Inner Strength

Throughout my journey I have discovered two types of inner strength inside me. I have my physical strength that has been steadily increasing and then my inner, spiritual, motivation to get through challenges. I've always considered myself a fairly strong person physically. My father had me splitting fire wood and tilling the garden at a young age. I was raised to know what hard physical work was like. I'm talking picking up every pine cone and stick in a one to two acre yard well, it was boring and tedious and not any fun at all. I am confident that the word fun did not enter my father's mind when he was choosing our daily chores. However, he along with my mother taught me the value of work. Then there is the inner strength inside me that hasn't always been as strong until now. As my body is undergoing a physical transformation my spiritual strength is coming into its own. There are distinct times during my life when my inner strength was all I had. While I attended boarding school it took everything I had to stay sane during my two years. It wasn't because I was miserable being there, I loved it, I thrived but the hardest part was feeling helpless being so far from home. The most difficult and emotionally draining thing to have ever happened to me was the death of my young cousin, Gwyneth in 2007. She had been ill for quite some time and we all knew the end result. Unfortunately, she had an incurable illness that took her away too soon. She may have been my cousin, but I loved her with all my heart. I still cry to this day because the hurt was so deep. Gwyneth and I never argued and she was always, always so very sweet and kind to me. She gave me the best hugs and I always knew that she loved me no matter what. Gwyneth had qualities  I admired and respected. She could care less what anyone thought about her she was a genuine person. What you saw was what you got. I would love to not give a hoot about what anyone thinks about me. I feel she would want me to buck up and do whatever it is I have to do to get my life back. What she endured pales in comparison to my weight gain and weight loss. I know I can do this and her memory is one of the many things that keep me motivated. My inner voice may be above a whisper now but a year from now I will be roaring to victory. Be well and be blessed.