Going with the flow

Today's workout kicked my butt the first half. I felt so ticked off with myself and wanted to scream at the top of my lungs "I'm done!!!!! Freaking done with this crap!!!!" but I can't do that. I have a real anger problem and I will be honest about that. I don't mean too but I do and there have been numerous times in my life where my temper has gotten me in trouble. My dear trainer reminds me it's okay and we all have days when our workouts are difficult but we must continue or progress will not be made. The word progress has become a thorn in my side. My reason is I feel physically I'm not making any progress even though people tell me till they are blue in the face I look better. I still feel like a fat loser. I know I'm far from that but it's how I feel sometimes. I just hate being this way and it hurts. I fear this will never change and that I'm just wasting time and money on this training.  However, after shaking all the negativity off of me I tell myself I am achieving a goal it just takes time.  I feel like I'm asking God for patience but telling Him to hurry. I know better than to ask for patience because I've been through times in my life where I thought "I can't handle one more day of ... you fill in the blank". Venting helps me feel better and Sam is always there listening to me bless her. I'm blessed to have a trainer like Sam. I can't handle a drill sergeant right now maybe later but definitely not when my emotions appear on my sleeve. Sam still pushes me but she's gentle about it and uses humor to help me forget about being aggravated. She helps me a great deal and always seems to know how to help me feel better or at least look at the bright side. I'm not trying to place her upon a pedestal but after hearing a lot of people from my past put me down it's  so nice to hear an encouraging voice. The rest of my workout was lots of fun and I ended up feeling so much better. No complaints there. Tomorrow is a new day and I'll be at the gym at 8:00AM ready to go with a renewed sense of purpose. I am going to make it. I will even though I feel like I'm getting no where. In reality I'm moving further than I ever thought possible. Be well and blessed. Thank you so much Sam for everything.