One Year

One year ago today I made the decision to change my life. I can report great news. Not only can I put my shoes and blue jeans on with ease, I can jog for brief spurts. It feels so fantastic to feel alive again. All the wonderful things l want for myself are coming into focus. The most important change I made besides diet and exercise was a change in my environment. I had to get far away from temptation and it helps a great deal. I look forward to seeing all the amazing things that are unfolding in my life. Life is so much better now and for that I am grateful. Be well and be blessed.

Starting Over Again

I never meant for my absence to be this long from my blog. I found myself engulfed by a lot of negativity in my life. I began to doubt that anyone would benefit from my entries because I didn't know what to say anymore. The holidays didn't help much either. I lost focus and felt disappointed in myself. Several of my close friends and family encouraged me to start blogging again. I made the decision to change my environment and moved back to the country. While I enjoyed the many benefits of city life it was not helpful to my physical health. I always had a feeling of being on display to my neighbors and anyone who would drive by my home. I realize that people really aren't paying any attention but I found it challenging to make myself go walking or exercise. I find life in the country much easier plus there is always something to do on a farm. I have a garden to tend, animals to care for, and lots of space to exercise. I have only been away from the city for one week and I already feel a thousand percent better. I am able to sit outside, enjoy the fresh air, meditate, and commune with nature. I live a very quiet and peaceful life. I do not tolerate excessive amounts of external stimuli, just ask my family during family gatherings. I usually evacuate to my room and reappear later. I feel that I also began to worry about living up to others expectations of what kind of progress I should be making and how fast.  I don't mean to do this and it's something I struggle with daily. I can only do what I can and as long as I'm doing all the right things everything should be just fine. I believe that the country life is going to help a tremendous amount. I feel better each day. The heaviness and darkness is leaving. Life is so good and I am so blessed to have my friends and family. I hope you all are still willing to give my blog another chance. I wish you all success and happiness because you deserve it. Be blessed and well.

Assessment Time

The end of the year always seems like a great time to reassess my progress of weight loss. I will admit I've gone up and down like a yo yo but as of a few moments ago, I am at 317. It wasn't where I expected to be just short of my 38th birthday but that is changing starting now. I bought a smart phone recently and now it's one of my most valuable tools in my journey of weight loss.I downloaded the my fitness pal application that helps me keep track of calorie intake, weight loss or gain, exercises each day and I absolutely love it. I resisted for months keeping tack of my calories but now that has become so much easier and even fun. I believe that I fell into the trap of thinking that losing weight involved eating like a rabbit and that is no fun at all. I realized that making myself feel non-human is not the way to go. I am the first to say I enjoy food and losing weight should not include being miserable when I eat. My mother introduced me to Quinoa an incredible whole grain that is packed with fiber, iron, and essential amino acids. It helps me feel as if I'm eating rice or mashed potatoes but much healthier. It's easy to prepare and tastes fantastic. I feel that eating in moderation is  key to success. I don't believe that food has been my enemy but it's been myself burdened with emotional wounds and self-hatred. I used food to comfort myself and now I find new ways to feel better that don't involve food. I play with my dog Abby, listen to audio books, anything that keeps my mind off food. I
I am wearing fifty inch waist blue jeans down from fifty four and fifty six inch waist jeans. I've made lots of progress but I'm excited to keep working towards my goal. When my birthday arrives soon, I intend to be happy and excited about all the good things coming my way. My life has truly turned around during the past year. Last year (2010) was one of the most miserable of my life but not anymore. The most important key to my weight loss besides diet and exercise is feeling good about myself. Those of you that know me know that I've struggled with self-image my entire life. I have to feel good about who I am and love myself and stop beating myself up. Losing weight is an emotional experience and it's been challenging but I'm overcoming the obstacles. Life is good and I am determined to not give up. I have the best friends and family to help keep me encouraged. Be blessed and be well.

A Moment of Inspiration

My weight loss journey has been absolutely incredible. It's difficult at times to put into words how all of this feels for me. The biggest miracle for me has been to look at myself in the mirror without any feelings of  self criticism and that feels amazing. I no longer have the feelings of self hatred and finally I have gotten my life back. I know this because I can do all the things I used to before all the weight gain but with an upgraded body. I see myself as healthy, happy, worthy, and loved. I have the best family and friends anyone could ever ask for. I feel that my life is now blessed and I am thrilled to be out basking in the sunshine and goodness of life. I have decided that depression and self hatred no longer have a place in my life. They have served their purpose and now it's time to leave. I have learned valuable lessons from my depression and self hatred. I realized it's not a way to live my life and I don't have to live that way if I choose not too. I can begin right now to be happy, healthy, abundant, successful and it takes a lot less energy than feeling depressed does. I believe I may have read somewhere that we use more muscles to frown than smile. I think smiling is much better. Be blessed and be well.

A Long Over Due Update

I think that somehow time has gotten away from me. However I have an excellent update to make up for the long delay. My starting weight was 349 and today I am down to 317 if my math is correct that is 32 pounds. The fact the last two numbers of my current weight is in the teens in enough to put me on cloud nine.  The majority of the weight loss has occurred since August 5, 2011. I have to exercise a lot and eat right but it is becoming much easier. I can now touch my toes!!!!! I cannot remember the last time I could do that. All the little things I've taken for granted are coming back to me and now I'm determined to keep making progress and remember what my goal is. I haven't had this much grit determination since my college days. During my last two years of school I worked two to three jobs just to get through financially. One of those jobs was working in my former landlord's chicken houses. I picked up eggs, cleaned them, and then prepared them for transport. It wasn't a pleasant job but it taught me a great deal about life, achieving goals, and being thankful for everything that's in my life. I wasn't always in the mood to pick up eggs during inclement weather, or when all I wanted to do was sleep. I also had to walk the houses and pick up eggs and place them on the conveyor belt while tackling hens and roosters. Those were good times. This also applies to losing weight. I sometimes wake up thinking I cannot handle another day of exercise and eating right. It isn't always fun and I hate to say that but there are times when I miss my old habits. I am tempted to dive into a giant bag of Doritos and tell the world to forget it. On the flip side it is quite a thrill to put on a pair of jeans only to have them fall to my ankles with no assistance from me. I love it. I am truly blessed to have fantastic people in my life who are always there to encourage me especially when I feel like giving up. I may be overweight now but it's only temporary and will not last for much longer. I no longer see myself as overweight and hideous. I see myself as a person that has healed, is still healing, and has a much better outlook on life. I have progressed from wanting to take my own life to wanting my life to be incredible. I will accept nothing but a fantastic life. With every step I take I am thankful for all I have. Be blessed and be well.

The Miracles Keep Happening

 I thought my last visit to the doctor was something to shout about but the last two weeks only adds to all my happiness. I made some adjustments in my diet and the results have been nothing short of phenomenal. I have lost a total of 12 pounds during the last two weeks. I'm not starving myself or making huge impossible sacrifices that would only result in failure. I have given up my daily morning Coca-Cola and maybe have one on Sunday morning just because I want to have a little taste. I have also done away with refined sugar, processed food, and definitely fast food. I cannot begin to explain how incredible I'm feeling. This afternoon I actually felt like cleaning the living room, vacuuming, picking up and throwing away dog toys that Abby has decimated. I no longer feel winded after doing chores around the house and that feels fantastic. My brother will now jump up and down for joy because his burden just lightened up considerably. I don't expect to lose 12 pounds every two weeks now two pounds a week sounds reasonable and realistic. However, I did not achieve these results by feeling miserable or eating like a rabbit. My trainer emphasizes how diet is 99% of weight loss and the rest is exercise. My workouts get more challenging each time I go in and I'm having the time of my life. I feel that my workouts are a gift made especially for me. Life feels so good. Be blessed and well.

First Caveman Drill (Modified)

When I arrive to my workout it's normal for me to look at the dry erase board with the previous night's drill. I don't think anything about it and just dive right into my own workout. It took me a few minutes but I suddenly realized that my workout was eerily similar to what was written on the board. Sam explained I was doing my first modified caveman drill. I did a ten second sprint on the bike, 75lb deadlift (8 reps down to six by the last two rounds), pulled a sled with weight approximately 40 yards (by the last two or three rounds I reduced that distance a little but I'm extremely proud), chopping station 4 reps per arm, this is my favorite!!!!! I get to hit a huge tire with a sledge hammer!!!! :-)  and we wonder why I love it so much. I believe I did this circuit about five times and I felt like I was on cloud nine. Sam pushed me like she would people in one of her classes and it felt fantastic. When I first started I thought it would take forever for me to do tire lifts, chopping station, ball slam, and all the other neat exercises but it didn't. This entire process has been like learning to walk I had to start somewhere and now look where I've come. I sometimes wonder if Sam will sneak in the bridge or bird dog exercise just to see what my response would be. I better not give her any more ideas. I'm loving this and feel so grateful for feeling good again. I feel at times that my body is taking a deep relaxing breath and telling me thank you for doing this. Be well and be blessed.