Doctor's visit and latest update

I saw my doctor yesterday for a checkup. I was feeling anxious about my weight and wondering how much I may have lost. Would I be disappointed? Heck no. My beginning weight was 349 now it's down to 344. That may not sound like much, but when you realize that I've lost six inches and that muscle weighs more than fat it begins to take on a new significance.  I felt elated at the news and couldn't be any happier if I tried. These are five pounds that I'll never have to worry about again. What really got me excited were my blood pressure and resting pulse rate. My blood pressure was 120/80 (has not been this low since HIGH SCHOOL!!!!!! That's almost twenty years heck yeah I was excited. My pulse when I began API was 96 now at a perfect 76. There is always hope. Not too long ago I was on the brink of wanting to die. I felt like it would be better than all the pain I was going through. These results are miraculous to me especially considering the circumstances. I've come to the realization that wanting to die is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. There is hope please don't give up even if you feel that would be the easiest way to escape pain. Depression, anxiety, and self hatred are not easy to live with. I've been to the bottom of the deepest dark pit tempted to take my own life twice. It isn't worth it. If you feel hopeless please seek help and surround yourself with supportive people who really care about you. You are being strong when you seek help, that is a huge step. I sought help from my doctor and was led to API and then on top of that I make one of the best friends in my life. My trainer Sam is awesome and a tremendous source of encouragement. I feel safe to express my feelings good or bad. Losing weight is an emotional experience too. There is a lot of baggage that comes along with it. When I began to let go of all the emotional garbage it makes room for all the good stuff in life. On a much brighter note today's workout was freaking cool. I got to flip my first tire not just any ordinary tire a huge one. Sam had to spot me but I flipped it several times and that my friends motivates me even more towards my goal. We can do anything we put our minds to life isn't hopeless. I hope I am able to inspire at least one person. I've been through some painful experiences in life, we all have and it's okay to hurt. However, after the pain, hopelessness, darkness, and despair there is light and healing. I promise. Oh the huge tire at the top is the one I flipped. Don't tell me there isn't hope because this is one of many proofs.